Our fragile strength

Preface:
I just opened this blog and I found this unpublished from January 1019 and labeled "Unfinished... needs big edit." After reading it again, I didn't find much to edit, but I did realize that we are all "unfinished" and we do all need "a big edit" in one way or another. Here it is:

The first time I held my newborn daughter I was overwhelmed. She was immediately familiar. She was tiny, and I expected her to be fragile. I was surprised by her strength! Do you know what I mean? Small and fragile, but still strong and full of life? She couldn't hold up her own head, but she had a will and a power demonstrated by her scream and the clench of her fist and that amazing moment she latched on to nurse at my breast.

Let's just acknowledge it is possible to be fragile and strong at the same time!

Messages to us these days seem to be:

You can do anything!
They will try to hold you back!
You are beautiful just like you are!
You are enough!
You are strong!
It's ok to not be ok!
You don't have to do it all!

It's all true and not true at the same time, isn't it? We may not need the boxes we want to break out of. They might not even be there at all.

I am fragile... sometimes.
I am beautiful... sometimes.
I am strong... sometimes.
I am sad or lonely or confused or hurt or a complete mess... sometimes.

Who isn't? We know this. 

Why try to make it a bigger deal than it is?

One of the blessings of being born stubborn and strong-willed is that I can tell myself to NOT go there. Let it go and don't wallow. It will hurt, but the hurt will pass. I will be sad, but I will also smile again.

My dad used to say that "Depression is believing a lie." That was before the current clinical diagnosis of depression became so widespread. But there is some truth in that. When we believe something that isn't real or is untrue, we convince ourselves to be miserable! It doesn't take much!

I've been told I have a big mouth and I'm kind of obnoxious. I know this. I'm sorry. I am not proud of that part of my personality. I'm also me.

As a young teen, I was told  by another middle schooler, "They don't really like you, they just pretend so they won't hurt your feelings." Hello! If they don't want to hurt my feelings, maybe they do actually like me a little bit.

As an adult, I have been told I'm hard to work with. I have too many ideas. I boss people around. I don't listen enough. I speak too quickly. AND that I communicate well. AND that I come across as caring. AND that I am a joy to work with.

It is all true. I'm one person with all these stupid faults and all these amazing abilities at the same time. So are you. Sometimes we just need to assume the same about everyone else. If they act like idiots, they are just like us. If they seem to have it all together and succeed at everything, they are also just like us.

I try to remember these things:

1. Jesus loves you. He just does. You don't have to do anything to deserve it. You are worth everything to him. That's your strength. That's your hope.

2. Forgiveness is power. You are forgiven by the creator of the entire universe. You have done nothing to deserve it. It is Grace... undeserved and unlimited. Embrace it. Do better next time.

3. You can love. You can. Choose good.

4. You can forgive. You can let it go. Choose grace and mercy.


Another end note:

Depression and abuse are real things. I do not believe they will just go away and that we should ignore them. We should recognize God is WITH us in all the mess, but we should also know that He wants to provide helpers to stand with us! Be strong and be kind to yourself. Ask for help.